Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
