dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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