shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
