I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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