she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I puked a lego.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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