I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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