i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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