my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Less talking, more tequila
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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