some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
