Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
