Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
