Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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