its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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