so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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