She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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