I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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