Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
