if you like me you must not know who I am
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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