Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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