At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
