You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
