What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
