Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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