so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
