Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
