You just made me feel so damn special
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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