I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
