I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
