We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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