listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
