thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
