I wannas sexs uuuuu
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My dick has a subreddit
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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