my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
