I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
