I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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