so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
