I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize