6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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