It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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