I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
