I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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