It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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