My liver just broke up with me...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
