can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i drank out of a bidet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
