Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
