I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
