So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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