got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
