I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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