ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
