If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
