so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
