need another drink. this is the easiest way
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
