He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
