Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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