Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
