Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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