these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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