woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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