happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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