Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
