I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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