True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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