We're facebook friends in real life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
