you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
