I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
