I feel like abortions should bother me more
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
