I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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