Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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