You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
