I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
