he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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