Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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