You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
