Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
