A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Everything about him screamed your future.
worst night to have a conscience
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
