a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
