yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
