I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize