Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize