It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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