cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
