you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
