where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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