I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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