I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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