How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
