Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
