can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
