i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize