I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
