Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
