i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize