Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
