hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
