Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
