she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
