I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
