Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize