hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
