my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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